Revisiting My Old TTPD Predictions

I was tame, I was gentle, thought The Alchemy was a sad song

About a month before the release of The Tortured Poets Department, I wrote down all of my predictions for every song on this album. Today, I decided to reread them, and it was honestly the funniest thing I have read in a long while.

Fortnight (ft. Post Malone):

My Prediction: The first track of the album is a collaboration between Taylor and the country/rap/hip-hop artist Post Malone. The meaning of fortnight is a period of two weeks. Though the meaning of this song is still some sort of a blur to Swifties, I personally think this song is about Taylor and Joe’s breakup. Maybe everything collapsed within a fortnight? Maybe the breakup went public after a fortnight? We will figure everything out on April 19th! About the general vibe of the song, I think this will be an upbeat song with sad lyrics, just like All You Had To Do Was Stay or Mr. Perfectly Fine. Post Malone isn't a sad singer, his songs are happy and “danceable”. I predict this song would be a mix of I Don’t Wanna Live Forever, Holy Ground, End Game, and strangely, the Cruel Summer remix. I think it would be my least fav off the album.

My Reaction: This is honestly so funny to me. I honestly can’t believe I never thought that Fortnight could be a song about Ratty Healy. After all, they did date for about a fortnight! Before I came out, I was a Fortnight hater because I thought collaborating with Post Malone was dumb and was giving Cruel Summer Remix. I’m so glad I was wrong. Fortnight is honestly one of those songs that just gets into your mind and stays there for a fortnight. I can’t believe I thought it would flop.

The Tortured Poets Department:

My Prediction: The title track of the album sounds to me like a sad melody about life as a poet. I also think that the song might talk about how the writing itself is torturing, how painful it is writing about some events, but how not being able to deal with the pain without writing. It’s like a never ending circle of pain. Maybe it is about looking back at the love songs you wrote when you were in love when you thought it was forever, but now you miss the days you could relate to them. You are tortured by your past, by the songs you wrote in it. I think that this song would be a classic evermore song, with sad deep lyrics and a deep meaning that takes you lots of listens to crack.

My Reaction: This is getting funnier and funnier and we’re just two songs in. TTPD the song is actually the best example of a great song with terrible lyrics. Tattooed golden retriever? We declared Charlie Puth should be a bigger artist? Sorry, but this is the song with the worst lyrics on the album. I would prefer my prediction to come to life, but it’s really fun to sing the chorus so I am fine with this version.

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys:

My Prediction: There it is, the first track of the album that is clearly about Joe. MBOBHFT sounds like a mixture of anger, grief and vibe. If you analyze the title of the song, it is pretty obvious that this song will probably talk about their chaotic breakup: her boy is obviously Joe, and she is probably one of his favorite toys. He broke her. I have a feeling that Taylor is likely to surprise us with an upbeat song, or at least a song with a good vibe, but it would most definitely have sad lyrics.

My Reaction: Well, I think I was right. It really is an upbeat song with sad lyrics. I am a really big MBOBHFT fan, and it’s one of the greatest bops Taylor has ever written.

Down Bad:

My Prediction: I think that this song is not about Joe but about Matty Healy, Taylor’s one month rebound after her breakup with Joe went public. Maybe she was so down bad for him. She might have been crazy in love and obsessed with him (though he is very problematic). I think this song would have a happy vibe, but with the complex lyrics that fit better into her latest albums (folklore, evermore, Midnights…).

My Reaction: I don’t know how to react to this prediction. It definitely has a happy vibe, but I am very skeptical that this song is about Matty Healy. Down Bad is one of my favorites off the album, the most fun song in the history of fun songs. I’m so down bad for it.

So Long, London:

My Prediction: I think this track 5 is going to destroy worlds and change the lives of every human living on this planet. Let me say this very clearly, Joe Alwyn better start running. I am 100% sure that this will be the song that will explain the breakup, word by word, step by step, every breakdown and heartache: this will be the song to describe it. In British English, the meaning of “so long” is goodbye, farewell. The meaning of the title is basically, goodbye London, goodbye Joe. I think that this will definitely be the track on the album that will tell us what led to the breakup. It will sound like This Is Me Trying and would change the way we look at Joe and Taylor’s relationship.

My Reaction: Well, girl, you were too optimistic. All the details about Joever that we got from SLL were that Joe wasted Taylor’s youth and that she died on the altar waiting for him. We still don’t know what really happened between them, and at this point, I think we will never know.

But Daddy I Love Him:

My Prediction: This title left me shocked. It looks like a regular one, but it has a deeper twisted meaning. In the movie Little Mermaid, which came out in 1989 (Taylor’s birth year) Ariel says “But daddy I love him” before her father completely destroys the statue of the young man. I speculate that this reference was made to explain that like Ariel, Taylor had to give up her voice, fame and music for Joe while they were dating. I think that this song will be a classical evermore sad song but with a good vibe. The lyrics would reference more old Disney movies and it will have a music video, packed with easter eggs.

My Reaction: That one is so funny. I was so so wrong. I never thought BDILH would be a happy song with a happy ending. I never thought I would like it THAT much. I didn’t claim it. I even thought there was a chance it would be a Haylor song. Wow, I was so wrong. It’s my second fav off the album and I ADORE it.

Fresh Out The Slammer:

My Prediction: The first thing that popped into my mind after reading this title was the Ready For It…? parallel. In the song, released in 2017, Taylor says “And he could be my jailer, Burton to this Taylor”, referring to Joe. Slammer means prison, jail. Basically, Joe was her Jailer, but after they broke up she was fresh out the slammer. She got out of jail. This is going to be another Toe breakup song, and I think that there will be parallels to Ready For It…? in the background music as well.

My Reaction: Well, FOTS was not what I expected. I don’t know who it is about, it’s not in my top 20, but I really like the beat and the lyrics. No, it’s not giving Ready For It…? but it’s a fun song and it has its own unique vibe.

Florida!!! (Feat Florence + The Machine):

My Prediction: This track is the second collaboration in TTPD, this time with Florence + The Machine. Florida!!! is going to be another Joe breakup song. Why? That’s easy. Florida was the first stop of Taylor’s Eras Tour after the breakup went public. She could be seen crying while singing Champagne Problems, a song about refusing to marry someone you love that she wrote with Joe back in 2020. I think that Florida is going to be an All You Had To Do Was Stay kind of song: jumpy, but the meaning behind the lyrics is actually sad.

My Reaction: So, Florida!!! isn’t a Joever song. Florida!!! is not the flop I thought it was going to be. It is one of the greatest songs ever written. I was right - it is jumpy, and the lyrics have a sad meaning. It was my favorite after my first listen, and I was addicted to it for a while. Taylor was right, Florida!!! is indeed one hell of a drug.

Guilty As Sin?:

My Prediction: To be honest, the only thing that comes to my mind right now is reputation. I have absolutely no idea what the song is about, but all I can think of is how the title gives off the mysterious, dark vibe of the Rep album. Maybe the subject of this song is Matty Healy, but I highly doubt it. I don’t think that this song has anything to do with men in any aspect, however, I have no clue what it might be about. I think that this song would have this creepy mystical vibe that Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve has, and this is one of the songs that I am the most excited to hear.

My Reaction: Never ever, not even in my wildest dreams, I could’ve dreamt that Guilty As Sin would be the bop it is. I’m not sure whether this is a Matty Healy song or not, but it definitely has a lot to do with men. At first, I didn’t like it, but there’s nothing more fun than screaming WHAT IF HE’S WRITTEN MINE ON MY UPPER THIGH ONLY IN MY MIIIIIND.

Who’s Afraid Of Little Old Me?:

My Prediction: Again, all I can think of is reputation. Who’s afraid of the old Taylor? But didn’t she die? This is going to be a classic dark anthem, the self doubt she has but all of the power she gained. I am sure this will be a powerful, hurting one. I think this song is going to be about a bejeweled mirrorball with a big reputation, with a past that is haunting her till this very day. I can’t decide whether I think this song is a folklore or a reputation one. The name is giving Rep, but something about the whole sense of the album just doesn’t fit with the reputation vibes. This song is some sort of an unsolved mystery to me, but I definitely claim it.

My Reaction: Well, I claimed the right song. WAOLOM is definitely one of the It Songs. It has such a great vibe and such great lyrics. It is so incredible. It is not a very bejeweled mirrorball song, it’s much better. It’s a story of a mad woman raised in an asylum. As Taylor said, “just a song about being crazy”.

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can):

My Prediction: I am very much curious about this one. I have two speculations about what ICFH(NRIC) is about. The first suggested subject of the song, of course - Joe Alwyn. Taylor saw their relationship going down, whatever Joe did wrong, whatever happened between them, she believed she could fix it. She truly believed in it, but eventually she couldn’t. My second speculation is that this song is about Matty Healy. Matty is known as a very problematic person, and maybe in the song she tried to convince herself that she can fix him, she can make him normal. I think this song would have the Gold Rush x The Last Great American Dynasty vibe, a quiet bop that unfortunately, would somehow find its way to TikTok.

My Reaction: I guess you can say I was right. This is definitely a Ratty Healy song, about thinking she could fix him but eventually realizing she’s not. I’m not sure if it has the Gold Rush x The Last Great American Dynasty, but I think you can say it’s similar. Honestly, ICFH(NRIC) is such a fun song. Too short if you ask me, but the “shortness” has a meaning: it didn’t take Taylor long before she realized she couldn’t fix him.

loml:

My Prediction: In my opinion, this is the most interesting track of the album. Let’s face it, Taylor didn’t really go on short song titles for this album. Loml stands for love of my life, so my first thought was “Oh my God, we are getting a song about Travis!!!!”. Honestly, I think that the format of the title, being so different from the other ones, confirms this is a Tayvis song. All of the songs about Joe or Matty have these long, deep titles, but this title is short. She is making a difference between the songs about her exes and the songs about the love of her life.

I think this will be a happy, optimistic song, kind of like Call It What You Want, but even sweeter. It will be a single, it will have a music video, and it will definitely be the most known track from the album.

My Reaction: Help me get up from the floor please. This is so so funny to me. Why did I think that the saddest song on the album would be a Tayvis song? How dumb could I be? I’m still laughing at myself. I really hope loml won't become a Tayvis song one day, if you know what I mean… I adore this song, it’s a lyrical masterpiece, and I am very happy that it is what it is.

I Can Do It With A Broken Heart:

My Prediction: The only thing that came to my mind when I first heard this title was the video of Taylor performing her song Lover during the Eras Tour and crying. Another thing I thought of was all of her heartbroken faces when she sang love songs and the angry faces while singing songs she wrote about Joe. I Can Do It With A Broken Heart will definitely be a song about dealing with the heartbreak all while being on tour and becoming the most famous person in the world. It will be sad, a mix between You’re Losing Me and Tolerate It. It will explain every tear, every painful expression, and it will give her the motivation to keep going and stand tall. After all, she’s still Taylor Swift.

My Reaction: I was right about the subject, I was so wrong about the vibe. It is the most “danceable” song off the album but the lyrics make me feel really bad with myself. After all, I bought Eras Tour tickets when she was miserable and nobody even knew. She was forced to add so many dates in Europe even though she felt so terrible.

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived:

My Prediction: My mind is battling whether this is a Matty or a Joe song. She definitely refers to the personality of the “smallest man”, maybe his way of dealing with fights, hard moments, or his general attitude to life. It will definitely be one of these two men, and I think that this will be the song that the fans will be after whoever it was written about. It will be a sad, angry song, but with a catchy beat that sticks into people’s minds.

My Reaction: So, the song is about Matty. It’s most definitely a sad, angry song. It is the definition of a sad, angry song. The catchy beat is missing, and the song itself is a little bit boring to me, but the bridge gets me every single time. It is a literal perfection. The best bridge of TTPD. It makes the song 13 times better.

The Alchemy:

My Prediction: The Alchemy, what is the meaning of this song title? No matter how hard I tried to think about it, nothing seemed right. Maybe it’s a song about finding out that alchemy isn’t a real thing? That love is black and white but not golden? All I know for sure is that this is going to be a gut wrenching melody, maybe the saddest song on the album.

My Reaction: That’s so funny. The first Tayvis song we got… the saddest song on the album? “For sure”. The Alchemy is a Tayvis song, 100%, no doubt. It is the happiest song on the album. I will never let go of Taylor saying “touchdown” in a song about her football boy.

Clara Bow:

My Prediction:  Clara Bow was a successful actress in the 20th century. Just like Taylor, she was hated, body shamed and had people getting involved in her relationships. After she got married she decided to retire. I think that this song will be about Taylor’s future: as a public figure, as a musician, as a woman. I have a strange feeling that the song will be a love song or a song that announces her retirement/break after the Eras Tour: to settle down and put effort into her private life and her family life. The name and the black and white variants that the song gives off makes me think it would sound like a darker version of New Year’s Day.

My Reaction: I was wrong about everything, thankfully so. I was genuinely scared that Clara Bow would be the song that would announce Taylor’s retirement. I love Clara Bow, it’s such a great song. I have no idea who it is actually about, but I choose to believe that it is about Sabrina Carpenter. For me, Clara Bow is a song that my favorite singer dedicated to my second fav, and nothing can change my mind.

Well, this has been a rollercoaster. I laughed so hard, and I’m still laughing at myself for actually thinking loml would be a Tayvis song. I’m so glad TTPD is what it is, and I think I am officially addicted to it (after all that’s ALL I’ve been listening to for the past month).